Heroes Live-Blog

POSTED BY , 23 April 2007

Hey Pulp-Heads (which is the nickname I've decided to give all of you),

I'm going to be faux live-blogging tonight's episode of Heroes! Faux because I'm going to watch it on my Tivo, and start blogging several hours later, as if it was broadcasting at the time. (Edit because I got home in time.)

For those of you on the West Coast, imagine I am BLOGGING FROM THE FUTURE!!!

-Alex

PS Feel free to react to the episode with your own comments below.

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[For those of you just tuning in, live-blog starts here, and heads on down chronologically. So the most recent post is at the bottom. Okay, live-blog actually starts here:]

8:15pm: For the full Heroes experience, you have to start by watching "Drive" on Fox. Here, I'll catch you up on the plot: They're on an illegal, underground, cross-country road-race. Now you're caught up.

8:24pm: Good interview with Heroes writer (also Wonderfalls creator) Bryan Fuller over at Popgurls. First interesting thing I pulled out: The Niki/Jessica storyline may be Jeph Loeb's fault. (Via Defamer.)

9:00pm: Here we go... With "Mr. Clockwork Orange" himself as the new narrator!

9:02pm: Mr. Bennet is having cheerleader fantasies about his own daughter. Gross.

9:03pm: Oops, it was Mystique, who then comes on to him. Still gross.

9:04pm: I'm going to start a "Tiny Bride & Groom Running Across The Bottom of the Screen to Promote 'The Real Wedding Crashers' Count." We're currently at one.

9:05pm: Nathan Petrelli: "What can you possibly know about healing?" Linderman: "I keep dead roses around my house just to make this point, thank you for asking!"

9:13pm: Oh, I get it. The writers of "Heroes" have read Watchmen, and thought it would be a good idea to copy it. In case you're reading this later, Linderman has just revealed his plan is to destroy New York to unite humanity. Which is, you know, the plot of Watchmen. Cool.

9:16pm: Oh crap! It's a super fight! FINALLY!!! Mimic vs. Super-Adaptoid, it is ON.

9:16pm (cont'd): Nah, it's over.

9:17pm: Okay, let's talk about this. Peter gets a chunk o' glass in his head. So he's dead, right? Just like Claire was dead when she got a chunk o' tree in her head? Yeah. Exactly. On the plus side, this leads directly into a Spider-Man 3 commercial, which is awesome.

9:21pm: Tiny Bride & Groom Count: 2

9:23pm: Claire: "So you're like me?" Angela Petrelli: "I keep dead roses around my house just to make this point, thank you for asking!"

9:27pm: Fat Male Emma Frost is breaking the Unabomber out of prison. Awesome! [I only wrote this update to call Matt Parkman Fat Male Emma Frost, FYI.]

9:28pm: Can someone please tell Peter's Mommy that they regularly hang out with people who spontaneously regenerate, heal, or time travel, so he should be back soon? On the negative side, this leads directly into a commercial for "Next," which sucks.

9:30pm: Unrelated, except for the fact that a commercial just came on: Go see "Hot Fuzz" right now.

9:32pm: Tiny Bride & Groom Count: 3

9:36pm: Nathan is all crying, and like, "He's not supposed to die this way," (referring to Peter), and is very sad. Let's all remember that the way he was supposed to die was by killing 8 million people, and blowing up New York. Not so sad now, right?

9:38pm: Yes, let's please pull the giant piece of glass out of his head, shall we? I am SHOCKED to find out that Peter is alive again. SHOCKED. (Side Note: Is there a way to link to a sentence higher up in this blog post?)

9:40pm: Man, those AFLAC commercials have grown annoying as all get out, but there's something totally hilarious about talking goats. This is unrelated to "Heroes," by the way. There is no talking goat in Heroes... YET.

9:42pm: Tiny Bride & Groom Count: 4

9:43pm: What Peter Petrelli has learned from a near-death experience: "I should brush my hair."

9:45pm: Okay, guesses to Angela Petrelli's power? I'm going to say weather, we don't have Storm on the show yet. Any other ideas?

9:46pm: Yay! Horned Rim Glasses, Unabomber, and Fat Male Emma Frost are going on a bonding road trip to New York! Which would be hilarious and awesome, if it didn't take everybody on the show under five minutes to get anywhere in the country.

9:48pm: As far ahead of this show as I usually am, Mystique gets me. Every. Single. Time.

9:50pm: Oh crap. Super-Adaptoid is about to take down Destiny, Jesus style. This one I can actually believe.

9:51pm: "You can't Fight the Future!" Oh snap, take that, X-Files: The Movie's tagline! And then Super-Adaptoid eats Destiny's brains. This leads directly into a commercial for "Oceans 13," which I feel relatively ambivalent about.

9:55pm: Can we please throw away the bloody piece of glass that was sitting in your brother's head? Please? And not use it to open packages?

9:57pm: We're getting very close to the big reveal at the end of the episode that. Will. Change. EVERYTHING. What will it be?

9:58pm: Hiro and Ando are in the future! And guest starring in DMZ!

9:59pm: Here it comes... Hiro & Ando go down to Issac's place, and find... An entire room full of catchphrases! This episode was clearly written by the NBC marketing department.

10:00pm: Okay, here's the reveal. Hiro rounds the corner, and comes face to face with... A talking goat! YAY!!!

10:02pm: Okay, that's it for this week, folks. If people like this, I'll try to do it next week, too. And be sure to head over to pranksecret.com for my live blog of "The Real Wedding Crashers."

Heroes, live, blog